How routine can slowly replace relationship
- Kaiana Lewis
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
I used to love devotional books.
The beautiful covers.
The encouraging stories.
The carefully chosen Scriptures.
The thoughtful prayers at the end.
Every morning I'd grab one, turn to the next page, read the devotion, read the verse, pray the prayer, and continue with my day.
And honestly?
I was consistent.
Very consistent.
So consistent that if I missed a day, it felt strange.
Like forgetting to brush my teeth.
Like forgetting to put on deodorant.
Like forgetting some important part of my morning routine.
At first, that sounds like a good thing.
And in many ways, it was.
But after a while, I noticed something.
I wasn't necessarily meeting with Jesus.
I was completing a task.
Not because I didn't love God.
Not because I was trying to be fake.
Not because the devotional was bad.
Something subtler had happened.
Without realizing it, I had turned a relationship into a routine.
And routines are funny.
They help us stay consistent.
But if we're not careful, they can also cause us to stop paying attention.
Think about driving home.
Have you ever arrived in your driveway and barely remembered the trip?
You drove the entire route.
You obeyed traffic laws.
You stopped at red lights.
You made all the right turns.
But your mind was somewhere else.
You were present physically.
But not mentally.
I think many of us do the same thing spiritually.
We read the chapter.
We say the prayer.
We highlight the verse.
We attend church.
We listen to worship music.
We complete all the right actions.
But our hearts never actually slow down enough to encounter God.
We're doing things with Him.
Without being with Him.
And that's a dangerous place to live because the activity looks healthy.
Nobody can tell.
Not even us sometimes.
When Relationship Becomes Efficiency
One thing I've learned about myself is that I love efficiency.
I love systems.
I love checklists.
I love processes.
I love structure.
Those things help me run businesses.
They help me stay organized.
They help me accomplish goals.
But sometimes I accidentally bring that same mindset into my relationship with God.
Instead of asking:
"How can I spend time with Jesus?"
I start asking:
"How can I complete my devotional?"
Instead of listening.
I'm finishing.
Instead of noticing.
I'm moving.
Instead of abiding.
I'm accomplishing.
And little by little, relationship gets replaced with efficiency.
Not intentionally.
Just gradually.
Jesus Never Asked For A Completed Checklist
One of the things that strikes me about the Gospels is how often Jesus slowed people down.
People wanted formulas.
Jesus offered Himself.
People wanted rules.
Jesus invited relationship.
People wanted checklists.
Jesus wanted hearts.
The religious leaders of His day were incredibly disciplined.
They knew Scripture.
They followed rules.
They practiced rituals.
Yet, Jesus continually pointed out that they were missing the relationship those practices were meant to create.
The problem wasn't the routines.
The problem was that the routines had become the destination.
The Warning Signs
Here are a few signs that routine may be replacing relationship:
You rush through prayer to get to the next thing.
You read Scripture but rarely pause to reflect.
Missing your devotional feels like failing a task instead of missing time with someone you love.
You know information about God but feel distant from Him.
You measure faithfulness by consistency alone.
You spend more time completing spiritual habits than experiencing God's presence.
Your quiet time feels productive but not personal.
None of these mean you've failed.
They simply invite us to slow down.
What If You Read Less Tomorrow?
This might sound strange.
But what if tomorrow you read less?
Not because Scripture isn't important.
Because it is.
But what if instead of reading three chapters, you sat with three verses?
What if instead of finishing the devotional, you stopped at the sentence that caught your attention?
What if instead of moving on, you lingered?
What if you treated God less like an assignment and more like a friend sitting across the table?
Because the goal isn't to finish reading.
The goal is to be transformed.
And transformation usually happens slower than we want.
Reflection Questions
When was the last time you felt connected to God during your quiet time?
Do you approach devotionals as encounters or assignments?
What spiritual practice has become routine lately?
What would it look like to slow down during your time with God?
Are you spending time with God or simply completing tasks for God?
A Moment In The Garden
The older I get, the more I realize that God isn't impressed by my efficiency.
He's not handing out awards for finishing devotionals faster.
He's not grading prayer length.
He's not tracking streaks.
What He wants is me.
My attention.
My affection.
My honesty.
My presence.
And I think that's what I'm learning in this season.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing I can do is slow down long enough to stop performing and start listening.
Because Jesus didn't die so I could maintain a devotional routine.
He died so I could have a relationship with Him.
Scripture
"Remain in me, as I also remain in you." — John 15:4
Prayer
Jesus,
Forgive me for the times I've treated our relationship like a task to complete instead of a friendship to enjoy.
Teach me how to slow down.
Help me notice You again.
Help me resist the urge to rush through sacred moments.
And remind me that Your presence is the goal, not my performance.
Amen.
If you enjoyed this article, I'd love to invite you to join The Green House. It is a space where I help ambitious women recover from the emotional weight of modern life.
Every week you'll receive a 3-minute reset for your nervous system, one short devotional, one practical self-care habit, and one journal question to help you slow down.
Thank you for reading the first installment of this series.
Comments